The Announcement

                                                     The Announcement    

          It's a beautiful Spring/Summer day. A day where it's almost impossible for someone to say, "It's a bad day today.". Almost. It's glorious everywhere. Except inside of my head. I usually try to keep my head clear whenever I go out, as I wanna keep it that way for I/Me. Today, I'm reminded that I'm human, as the only clouds out today, are around my head.
         

                                                                                                                                                                               It's literally a role reversal as I/Me pops up on me. I/Me brings music and light with each step, and I don't wanna ruin that with my sadness...but it's too late. He has way more intuition than I give him credit for having. "Heyyyy! What's going on?", he asks gleefully. The joy radiating from him is powerful. Pure. As it should be, and IS, with children until it's taken away from them by grown-up problems, and agendas. I can't dispel the clouds fast enough. He feels it immediately, as our personal "pound, & dap" handshake feels a lot less enthusiastic. "What's the matter, Big Bro'?". Damn. This is gonna be tough. I've gotta be creative, but NOT deceptive about this. Certain things are impossible to conceal, and I don't wanna patronize him. He, and kids in general, are too bright for that, and I'm not gonna do that to him. A child's trust is golden, and once you lose that, you lose them.

"You look real sad today...What's wrong?", he asks, with sincere concern written all over his face. "Come here, Little Bro'..." I steel myself before I begin as I'm having a tough time myself, in coming to grips with the source of my sadness and grief. "You know how sometimes, people get sick, and they get so sick that they have to go to the hospital?". I/Me thinks for a second. "Like when someone gets the chicken pops?" I laughingly, yet gently correct, "Chicken POX, you mean.".  He continues, "Yeah, they go to the doctor and he gives them a needle and it makes them all better, right? I HATE needles Big Bro'! Did you have to go get a needle today? Is that why you're sad today?" Damn. He's locked in. There's no backing out, or fronting now. He needs to know. He DESERVES to have his questions answered. He deserves that RESPECT. "No Li'l Bro', I didn't get a needle today."

"Mom had to go to the hospital." "She DID???", he asked alarmingly. His care and concern mirrored the feelings that I had when she told me that she was going in. Mirrored them exactly. I could feel my throat tightening, and the anticipative angst in my stomach and chest. "Mom loves to smoke cigarettes, all the time. You DO know that cigarettes are bad for you, right?" "Yes," he replied. "I hate them, and I try to tell Ma that smoking is bad for your health, everyday. She gets mad at me sometimes, because she's a grown-up, and a kid's not supposed to tell a grown-up what to do." "Don't stop reminding her, broski...don't ever stop...Anyway, Ma, because of the cigarettes, got sick. Sometimes, she would go to the doctor, get some medicine and come back home, good as new, feeling much better. There were also some times where she would go to the hospital and stay for awhile." Behind my glasses, my eyes began to widen and simultaneously, so did his. "Well...this one time...Ma went to the hospital...and stayed."

   Tears welled up in both of our eyes, and I had to stay strong for him. "S-Stayed??? She didn't come back home??" I could feel a cliché rise in my throat like a viscous bile. "N-no, Li'l Bro'...they did everything that they could..." "MOMMY'S DEAD???" I could feel that same sudden jolt of pain and shock one feels when the weight of the statement hits you. It hits hard. Like a Tyson blindside punch. I felt myself getting ready to crumble, but pulled it back in for him, because HE was getting ready to fall apart. As an adult, I can cope much better. For the most part, I have that strength. I/Me hasn't built that muscle up yet, and it's my responsibility as an adult to not let him shatter, but to also let him know that it's okay to be sad, to feel, to cry. "Not YOUR Mommy, Li'l Bro'...", I clarify and assure. "Your mommy is gonna be around for a long time, don't you worry, man! It's MY Mommy who..." It was then that our roles reversed. I/Me reached up and gave me an enormous hug. It was a hug that was sorely needed. He innately knew, and understood that I was in pain, in need, and he did all that he knew to do. Whenever I wasn't feeling good, in pain, or sad, a big ol' hug from Moms (and some ice cream) ALWAYS made me feel better, He did all that he knew to do, what most children know to do. They are naturally, beings of the purest love and light, and are generous in that attribute. A gesture as simple as a hug disperses the clouds, heals the wounds, and in some cases, saves the day.  

   "Big Bro'...", he begins..."...do you think that we could...". Before he could finish, I say, "Ice Cream? You KNOW it, son! To the Grey Ghost we go!" "YESSSSS!!!" he exclaims gleefully. The dark clouds were forcefully dispersed, and God's light shone brightly.

On the way to retrieve our heavenly delicacy, our discussion continued. "Big Bro', are you gonna miss your Mom?", he asked filterlessly. I looked at him, and smiled. Refreshed by his honesty, I answered, "Yeah, my dude. Dearly and daily. She was...IS, my best friend.". He looked at me quizzically and asked, "IS?...but isn't she..." "Gone?" I answered. "Yeah, Li'l Bro...she is...but only here on Earth, is she gone." "I know, I know!", he exclaimed excitedly. "She's in Heaven, right?" "That's right! Absolutely! Because of the goodness of her heart, and the kindness of her spirit, she's earned her wings, and is now at God's side." Just that thought brought a blanket, if you will, of warmth, and love over me, and I could feel a smile come across my face. "If you're sad, and you're gonna miss her, why are you smiling? I'd be crying all day if MY Mom was gone!" "Oh, I DO cry, broski...and will probably cry every day, but I'm smiling because I know that she's in heaven! She's no longer sick, no longer in pain, and she's happy. Just because they're gone, doesn't mean that you forget them, or stop loving them. Your love will ensure their immortality, broski!"

   "Do you know what 'immortality' is?" I/Me thought for a second, then answered "Yeah! It means that you live forever, right?" "That's right, man! That's really good!" I fist-bumped him and continued. "Do you wanna know what's gonna make people become immortal?" "Eating all of their vegetables?", he asked. I laugh loudly at his answer, and it feels good. First real laugh I've had since The Announcement. I was beginning to believe that I'd never be able to do it again. I laughed and could actually feel and hear Ma smiling and laughing with me. "Maybe, Li'l Bro', but honestly, the love that you have in your heart and the happy memories that you have of them, will keep them immortal. As long as you remember them with love, they'll be immortal!" "Is that what you're gonna do, Big Broski?" "Absolutely, kid. Every single day." He pauses, thinks...looks at me with a smile, and proclaims, "If that's what you're gonna do, I'm gonna do it, too!". 

   Hours later, stomachs packed to the seams with ice cream goodness, conversations about comics, & cartoons shared, it was time to part ways until the next time. Before I pulled off, I reminded him of the promise we made over an enormous bowl of ice cream. Any promise made over ice cream, was of the utmost seriousness, we decided, trumping a pinky swear, and crossing our hearts. We promised to not wait until our loved ones were summoned by the Lord, to let them know that they are loved. Let them know every single day, every single chance that we can. We fist-bumped, dapped, and hugged, sealing the deal, and I watched him happily run off, with our promise still ringing in my ears. I sat back, smiled and sighed, cast my eyes Heavenward, and spoke to Ma. "I love you, Ma...and miss you dearly, and daily." 

"I love you too, 'BigBoy'..." she answered. "I love you, too."

      "I/Me"©2019, KirqArts, LLC